February is the Month of Love… or at least that’s what the marketers of the world would have you believe. Unfortunately, history does not bear that out.
While there were numerous Christian martyrs named Valentine, none of them have extraordinary ties to love. So in this historical vein, let’s blow the dust off those movies that are so pessimistic about l’amour to be superb in one way or another in the process.
One of the classic love-ain’t-all-that-it’s-cracked-up-to-be movies is 1987’s Fatal Attraction. Glenn Close stars as Alex Forrest, who strikes up what she thinks is a love affair with Michael Douglas’ Dan Gallagher while his wife Beth (Anne Archer) and daughter Ellen (Ellen Latzen) are out of town.
What begins as a fling for Gallagher turns homicidal and destructive when he realises that Forrest believes it’s fate for the two to be together. Over the course of the two hours, we’re treated to manipulation via suicide attempts, stalking, acid attacks, kidnapping, and bunny boiling. All in the name of love.
While this movie probably did more to keep men faithful than any church service ever could, looking at it from Alex’s perspective, it’s a tale of love lost despite extraordinary, and creepy, not to mention illegal measures. It’s basically a tragedy. Almost. Alex Forrest is one of Close’s strongest roles, and as she says in the movie, “I will not be ignored!”
The undisputed champion of the anti-Valentine movie has got to be War of the Roses. Also starring Michael Douglas, Kathleen Turner, and Danny DeVito, this 1989 flick was released just in time for the holiday season.
This was the third movie to feature the three stars and was also directed by DeVito. After 17 years of blissful marriage, Oliver (Douglas) and Barbara (Turner) Rose want a divorce. The division of assets doesn’t go as planned when both of them want their rehabbed house.
Some of the high jinks that ensue in the battle for the home involve Barbara nailing the basement sauna door shut while Oliver is inside, Oliver behaving like an incontinent child at one of Barbara’s dinner parties, and Barbara destroying Oliver’s 1965 Morgan Roadster.
But perhaps the most cringe-worthy event in the film involves a faux peace dinner served by Barbara while their two children are away at college. Barbara serves a pate which she implies was made from his dog by responding to the question “What kind of pate is this?” by saying simply “Woof.”
The final shot of the two of them is the epitome of love gone wrong… as both Oliver and Barbara are dying in the foyer of their contentious house, after a chandelier has fallen on them, Oliver puts his hand on Barbara and with her last ounce of strength, she pushes it away.
If The War of the Roses doesn’t put you off love, nothing will.