So here we are, another year and therefore another 365 days in which we can change everything about ourselves that we detest. There is something so refreshing about January 1st – like emerging from a long, hot shower clean as a whistle and ready to face the world. Or so I’m told. Actually I’m sure the majority of folks feel that way on January 2nd. The 1st is unofficially National Recuperation Day for most. What do I, Vicki Wheaton, plan to accomplish in 2012? Well of course the usual fitness regimen, squirrelling away tens of dollars, and writing the book I’ve been putting off for years. But this time I think I want to set myself a real goal – like inventing a car that runs on seawater. Gentlemen, start your engines!

I look back to 2011 and wonder what I would have done differently if given the chance. Isn’t that half the battle? Seeing where you ran astray and making a mental note to not do it again? I think KFC at 1am is a good beginning.

I have nothing against the Colonel and his intoxicating concoction of 11 herbs and spices. I just realise that when every room in my house has its own bottle of Tums, it’s time to make some hard decisions. I started to mentally go through January, February, March… and it turns out that I have very few regrets from 2011, but then again, too few to mention. Ol’ Blue Eyes and I have that in common. I might wish that I hadn’t worn those heels at that charity event where I nearly gave myself hammer toes. Then there was that day I went out in the sun with no protection whatsoever and ended up with a nose like WC Fields. Ah yes, and more recently, when I indulged in one too many glasses of wine and bought a $200 toaster oven I didn’t need. But then there are always ways to put positive spins on these things. I DID look good in the heels while I could still walk and isn’t a cherry red nose a cheery sight? It certainly did Rudolph no harm. And that toaster oven DOES toast like the dickens, and reheat pizza to loving perfection. In fact that would be a good New Year’s resolution – always try to see the positive side of everything. I see that lasting until January 3rd.

Going forward I definitely have to go back to the gym properly and restart my routine. I gained back some (but certainly not all) of the weight I lost two years ago. I put it down to bursitis in my heels, an active social life and the existence of patties. I do also have to make a very big effort to start saving more money than I have been. The rich, undercover prince never materialised but if I can support us, maybe a young medical student and I can find true love.

I would like to slowly redo the bathrooms in my house. There’s nothing fundamentally wrong with them but they could use a retiling and my bath is so shallow that a rubber ducky would float right into my bellybutton. I also dislike the loud sucking sound that occurs when the vacuum between my back and the tub makes it impossible for me to vertically disembark. Yes indeed, 2012 is Big Bath Year.

I would like to either master the stilts I bought, or sell them to the next dreamer in line. I am determined to grow one plant and nurture it into life rather than be the cause of its demise. Weeds don’t count. I will invent a set of Christmas lights that work year after year, and should half of them stop operating, they will email their owner to state precisely what is wrong and how it can be repaired. I will design the fuse compartment in the plug so it can be opened with modern tools.

Those who know me might be surprised to hear that some situations actually make me quite nervous. Doing some stand-up last year was pretty nerve-wracking. I spent three or four nights with sweaty palms, working out my set and hoping that I wouldn’t be pelted with Ackees. Then I wondered if singing in the middle of the Apple store in Miami was really a good idea. I was lucky - both worked out well. It’s a good idea to go out of your comfort zone from time to time. I’m not talking about jumping out of a plane sans parachute, but try to face a fear, or try something you’ve always wanted to, but you’ve been worried what people might think of you. That being said, keep the nudity in the house. This year I’ll try to hold a frog in my hand. Okay...maybe next year.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: despite the significant inconveniences we suffered after Hurricane Ivan, I miss the community spirit they created. People looked out for each other whether they were local or expats. We were all in it together and we got through it together. Surely it doesn’t take a disaster to make us realise that we’re neighbours? A good way to be part of the solution is to volunteer for charitable organisations. Even if you can’t donate funds, giving your time is just as important. Let’s all give back in whichever way we can. So in 2012 I pledge to do better. I still have plans for the car that runs on seawater (it will take pride of place at the Cayman Motor Museum); I just hope there was nothing to that Mayan calendar thing. It would be a real bummer if she turns over for the first time just as the world comes to an end.

Happy New Year!

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